Stress-buster: Funny statements & new ideas

Of late, I am viewing Con-party statements as none other than a stress buster. Full of jokes & purely-for-fun statements. Lets take a look at a few of them...

• "There is no scam at all in 2G spectrum allocation. All these figures are 'imaginary'. Don't read too much into it. As they are only indicative and couldn't be exacts." - Kapil Sibal, who replaced Attrocious Raja.
• "26/11 Mumbai terrorist strike was done by 'saffron' terrorists." - Diggy (I love this guy! He could well replace Cyrus Broacha in his shows.)
• "Savarkar was the father of Two nation theory" - Diggy (again? Ya, little did he know that it was supposed to be a Three nation theory with a seperate nation called Dravida Nadu comprising present day AP, TN, Kerala & Karanataka - initiative by Periyar, who even met Mountbatten in this regard!)

If you think this is not enough, lets take a look at Raul Vinci's statements:

Gujarat is bigger than the UK!
Gujarat is bigger than Europe & US put together!

Infact, even government officials are giving us shocking news like there is no scientific evidence of the fact that Taj was constructed by (during) ShahJahan. (Refer to letter signed by Information Commissioner of ASI in reply to Shri.A.S.Santosh's RTI application).

After reading the above mentioned in sensationalized news channels, I have decided that I too would help the con-party to come up with statements that would entertain the world population also - not only Indian public. Let me suggest some theories for them...

• "India was not ruled by Britain. But, Italy."
• "Congress has the right to sell the country. Even issue ROFR (right of first refusal..)"
• "There is no country called Switzerland, where people say there is something called 'black money'. Only if there is a country, we can go there and dig the soil to find if there is ANYTHING black?"
• "National Tri-Color is communal. Since it has saffron at the top. All should be equal. So, we are rotating the flag by 90 degrees." (Won't it resemble like Italy's???)
• "Gujarat should send Lions to Madhya Pradesh. Cats to Chattisgarh. Dogs to Daman & Diu. Lions to London. All the rest that is left out, to Orbassano, Italy."
• "Owing to coalition dharma, MK should be made king and each of his wives should be given one district. All corresponding sons, daughters, cows, goats, dogs & pigs should be given palaces. The issue is still under discussion as we don't have that much districts in TN to give each one to his wives. So, we are thinking of creating some new districts as well. We are also planning to divide it into two as he has 2 sons fighting for Chief ministership!"
• "Telengana is definitely not possible. Because, Hindus are also there. If only Muslims are asking for it, we would have even given Dominion status, just as the country itself."
• "ULFA Chairman given bail because they were instrumental to equalize demographics in NE with considerable illegal immigrants from Bangladesh."
• "Sri Lanka is a friendly country, thats why they are killing Tamils. As long as they don't strike Mumbai & Delhi, they are friendly."
• "Sorry, Afzal cannot be hanged. If hanged, we would also be termed communal. Just like Shaukat Afzal, we are waiting for a time to release him too. He is just a disgruntled person. He can be pardoned."
• "Shahi Imaam wants to hoist a flag of Pakistan in Jumma Masjid since 2001. We are considering it seriously. In turn he has promised we can allow Indian flag to be unfurled in Kashmir."
• "GM foods are good for health, environment & cost-effective. "
• "All roads in Delhi could be named even after Diggy. But, not after Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose." (I personally feel that no roads should be named after Bose in Delhi. Reason: It might appear alongside corrupt individuals.)
• "We won China war. All on our own. We haven't mentioned in our book as we thought China should be insulted that way."
• "Corruption can't be eradicated. So, we are legalizing it. Now on, you would be given a receipt for corruption. You can exchange that for Re.1/Kg rice."
• "If MK comes to power in 2011 TN polls, he asked for additional budget for him to give free set-top-boxes & Dish antennae."
• "There would be one more tableaux next year onwards for CBI on 26, January Parade."
• "There would be one more contingent of ministers & member of parliament who are displacing themselves in a wheel chair - purely owing to age. Like MK." (Disclaimer: On a serious note doesn't include handicapped people. My intention is not to hurt them.)
• Last but not the least..."India came into existence only when Babar came to India. To reduce size of history text books, students would be taught only from Babar's."

To the best of my knowledge, I would certainly not elect such a party to lead a nation with a population of 120 Crores.

Now, you the rest of the compatriots should decide if we need such people in power?

Via: http://www.shreedharan.com/